24 Feb

I walk into a crowded room, a place I don't want to be
On the surface I look ok but if people could only see

Focus on a place to sit I need to get there quick
Once I'm there I think 'relax' instead of feeling sick

The knot inside my stomach grows, is it hot in here or just me?
I feel the walls are closing in, I may drop to my knee

Nobody talk to me, stay away please
It's not that I don't like you, I'm just totally at dis ease

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
The meltdown's starting, my head is fried
The pressure's building inside my brain
I feel as though I'll go insane

If I can't get far away from here
I hate anxiety this sense of fear
Fear of what? I do not know
It really makes me feel so low

My name is called so I'm up now
I fake a smile and wonder how
I can get this over with
I really feel like such a div

That I can't even sit and have a chat
I feel uncomfortable where I'm sat
I try to listen and concentrate
All I can think is "where's my mate"?

She's the talker and does it so well
I'm on my own, this is a living hell
Pretending that you're really ok
When all you want to do is run away

To get out of that room before you die
Crazy I know either that or cry
You stand and smile and start to leave
As you turn you can't believe

More people are there than were before
Plan your escape route and find a door
Hoping no one wants to talk
You want to run but have to walk

The exit seems a mile away
No wonder my hair has so much grey!
I've lived with this for most of my life
It's caused some sadness and lots of strife

I didn't know what it was for so long
I always felt like something was wrong
That I had this fear of a crowded space
Where I often felt so out of place

People would usually think me shy
Some would think I was that arrogant guy!
Truth be told I just like my own space
Get to know people at my own pace

It takes a lot for me to trust
For things to improve I know I must
Get out of my comfort zone
Be around others instead of being alone

I'm social when I need to be
As long as there's an exit that I can see
In my mind or if the time is short
Or a mission that I can easily abort

To find some space and come up for air
Before I can go back into there
Recharge my batteries so I can smile
Even if it's only for a little while

This is how it is for me
When dealing with my anxiety

Martin Pemberton
* The email will not be published on the website.