24 Feb
The Storm

When the smile from the cutest little girl don't do the trick
You know you're on the dark path, it literally makes me sick!
I think about the future which right now looks kinda shit
Every second is a struggle, I'm trying to show some grit
To make it through another day though I'm not sure why I do
Will tomorrow be just the same with this dark and gloomy view?
This is what it's like for me right now, to stay, to carry on?
Or say goodbye and leave it all, things will be better when I'm gone
For those around I claim to love and like
When all I seem to think about is jumping on this bike
This bike to deadendsville a one way trip
Or turn around and get a grip
Fight my way out of despair
Don't know which is worse or if I can bare
To stick around and feel this way
Disliking myself day after day
Putting on the bravest face
Pretending nothing is out of place
When all I want to do is cry
Should I give up or should I try?
To stay around for that brighter day
Why is this happening, why do I feel this way?
To look to the future with a sense of dread
Not want to be here but end up dead
So all this pain will fade away
Maybe then I'll see that brighter day
But what of those I leave behind
Will checking out early really help mankind,
What of my daughter's and my wife
How will my passing affect their lives
This is the battle I have in my head
When I think about living or being dead
Once I'm gone, that's it no coming back
Who will guide my girls, keep them on track?
I'll miss out on so much joy
Right now I can't see it, I wish I was a little boy
Who loved his life and most importantly himself
Who's mind was positive and in good health
Not like the man today who doesn't feel he fits
Doesn't have the skills and wants to quit
Who doesn't feel he's good at anything
Or to the table what does he bring?
Other than the game with that ball
That he kicked around, made him feel ten feet tall
Like a giant amongst men feeling invincible
Reduced to this and so vulnerable
Insecure, inferior, deflated
A million miles from when I felt elated
Self esteem at an all time high
Where has it gone and most importantly why?
How do I get back to feeling so good
Can't play football and feel so misunderstood
That I'll never be enough for others or for me
Shall I swallow my pride and just let it be?
This is a storm that I know will pass
But for right now it's kicking my ass!
When the storm comes we must learn from it
So the next time one comes we can repel all the shit
That comes at us in droves, no end in sight
It's pitch black out there not even the faintest light
Baton down the hatches, get ready for war
Keep the demons at bay as they knock at your door
Hold on a while longer, the cavalry is on its way
All you've got to do is stall and delay
Just focus on surviving, get through another day
If that seems like forever then try another way
Focus on living in the here an now
If you can do that and make it a vow
The storm will blow over, no demons at the door
The sun will come out and the darkness will be no more
I cannot promise you that it will stay this way
Darkness follows the light in our lives day to day
It's how we manage the darkness and how long are the nights
That will determine the length and the strength of the light
That shines on our faces and into our souls
That keeps us from falling into that black hole
Even if you do fall then remember this
You can fight your way out of the abyss
It's much nicer up here in the warmth and the light
Than shivering endlessly in the dark of the night!

Martin Pemberton 
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